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Blog 02.02.2019

Saturday, February 2nd, 2019

I have no plan for this blog post. I thought if I started typing a general idea of what it could be about would come to me. I basically wanted to write something as my last post was just after my Nan had passed and I felt it was about time I put finger to button… (not quite the same ring to it as pen to paper!)

Anyway so I’m really just catching up with everything. The end of last year was pretty hectic. I’ve taken a huge gap of not doing anything creative since the middle of December until just today when I decided to draw a lion… I have missed it. It is the only time when I can clear my mind of anything else and just focus on the drawing.

From the summer until the winter of last year I spent the majority of my time preparing and creating products for an artisan craft fair I attended just before Christmas. I worked really hard on what I produced and when it came to the night of the craft fair I actually made a bit of money, which I wasn’t expecting at all! After all the preparation and creation processes up to this time I was literally exhausted. Physically and mentally. So over Christmas and New Year I gave myself a break.

I have missed drawing but I felt the need to continue the break throughout January and only since the past couple of days have I felt the need to draw something. It feels good to pick up my favourite pen again and to be planning what I will draw next.

For those of you reading this who are new here, firstly hello (thank you for taking the time to read this, and I promise I won’t ramble on too much!) I have written previously about my beautiful, lovely Nan. She sadly passed away at the end of July last year. Still cannot quite believe it. Grief is an odd thing. I have never quite experienced anything like it before. I find it can crop up at any time. When I am sat watching a sad advert, when I am driving in my car or when I am laying in bed at night in the darkness. Tears stream down my face and all I can think of is Nan. It has really affected me, more than I like to let on. My outlook on life has changed and the way I deal with things.

I have realised the little things definitely don’t matter as much as you think they do, and to make the most out of every situation you find yourself in. Life is short. I know everyone says it but it’s true! We are here for such a short amount of time we should be thankful for what we have and the people we surround ourselves with. This way of thinking I believe is what spurred me on towards the end of last year. To get anywhere in life you have to do. You have to get up and do the things you need to do to succeed. I needed to create actual things for people to buy last year, if I hadn’t then I would’ve had nothing to sell. Logical right? but it has taken me nearly 30 years on this earth to bloody realise this!

I am never one for making resolutions, but if anything this year I want to carry on doing. Creating and expanding on all the good ideas I have in my head. Adapting and changing my work to be the best that it can be. Because what else am I going to do?

My health and lifestyle needs a bit of care and attention. I sort of went through a phase, well actually it was quite a long phase over a few years of not eating properly, not drinking and not exercising… It has finally caught up with me this January and I have realised I need to act. Putting the right fuel into my body is at the top of my to do list! Hey I’m a constant work in progress…

So I feel like I should leave it there, this has started my brain thinking of what I could write about in the coming months which I feel is a good sign. I want to try and keep up with these posts as I feel I have a lot going on in my mind and writing has helped as a sort of outlet.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

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Block 12.03.2018

Monday, March 12th, 2018

Creative block. It is the worst. It snowed a few weeks ago causing myself and Matthew to be stuck in doors for four days! I found it such a great opportunity to produce some great work for my website, and even though after the second day cabin fever was beginning to set in…I persevered and really enjoyed the four days of just solid drawing. I had loads of ideas and when I put pen to paper all my ideas came to life. Maybe it was the fact that I couldn’t go anywhere, that there was no pressure to be anywhere, maybe it was this that helped the creative juices flow. I felt happy with just getting up every morning, going to my desk getting out my sketchbook, plugging in my music and starting to draw.

Struggling this week, maybe because its a Monday or maybe I have just lost my creative flow this week. I get moments like this. Moments of self doubt in myself and my artwork, moments where I panic and scream in my head, “WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!” I thought maybe writing about it would help. So here we are. Maybe its the lack of chocolate this month…

Writing about it is actually quite therapeutic. My thoughts here in black and white (I’ll realise I’m being a fool at the end of typing this). Maybe I am hoping to make sense of the goings on inside my head.

I know I shouldn’t but I sometimes find that I am comparing myself to others around me. Thinking, ‘oh my god, they are younger than me and they are already so much more successful than I am at this age…!’ I shouldn’t do it. But I cannot stop my brain sometimes. I have phases of worry; worries about who I am, if I am doing the right things and acting the right way…Does anyone else do that? Are we doing it because we are only human? I have to remind myself that every life is different and we don’t all face the same challenges and life experiences.

Is everyones idea of success different? I cannot for the life of me remember where I saw this quote (instagram somewhere I am sure…) but I found a random screenshot on my phone. It goes ‘At the end of life, what really matters is not what we have but who we are; not what we got but what we shared; not our competence but our character; and not our success, but our significance. Be kind, be loving and start with yourself ‘ whoever wrote this, you have hit the nail on the head basically. It is easy to get distracted by other sometimes ridiculous feelings, as long as we refocus back to what is really important. So that is what I am trying to do today. To focus back on what is important in the hope that this will regain my creative flow.

Creativity can be affected by my mood, I can’t just sit down at my desk and start drawing if I have had a bad day. I have to be in the right frame of mind and have an idea of what I want to produce. I have rare moments of opportunity to do my drawing – maybe thats part of my problem. Maybe I need to make more time for it. I get very caught up in everyday life, working and seeing the people I love. I forget to set aside time for myself sometimes. Time to do what I want to do. Its a vicious circle really and I get myself into it now and again. Like with everything, all the self doubt I feel at times, I am the only one who can change that mindset.

I want to make a living from my art but I have always been so unsure of how to do it. I have spent years trying to figure it out and still I am none the wiser. I want what I do to be taken seriously, to be appreciated and to be rich from it. Sorry that last part isn’t true! Haha, I mean it would be nice but just to carve out a career from my talent would be great. It is hard work, harder than I ever thought it would be. I look at other illustrators and think, ‘How did you do that?? How did you become so successful??’ I read about their journey to “success” and it always seems to be that they stumble onto the right path or they just got lucky and met the right people. I hear that a lot. I don’t know what the answer to all this is really. When I figure it out I am sure I will jot it down in another post. But you could be waiting a while. In the mean time if you have any bright ideas, let me know yeah?

This post has sort of been all over the place really. Sorry about that. Thanks for sticking with me if you still are…That was a little insight into the mind of Beth. I’m off now to make corned beef hash with Matthew.

Thanks for reading.

Wigmore out.

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