Archive for the ‘New Year’ Category

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Block 12.03.2018

Monday, March 12th, 2018

Creative block. It is the worst. It snowed a few weeks ago causing myself and Matthew to be stuck in doors for four days! I found it such a great opportunity to produce some great work for my website, and even though after the second day cabin fever was beginning to set in…I persevered and really enjoyed the four days of just solid drawing. I had loads of ideas and when I put pen to paper all my ideas came to life. Maybe it was the fact that I couldn’t go anywhere, that there was no pressure to be anywhere, maybe it was this that helped the creative juices flow. I felt happy with just getting up every morning, going to my desk getting out my sketchbook, plugging in my music and starting to draw.

Struggling this week, maybe because its a Monday or maybe I have just lost my creative flow this week. I get moments like this. Moments of self doubt in myself and my artwork, moments where I panic and scream in my head, “WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!” I thought maybe writing about it would help. So here we are. Maybe its the lack of chocolate this month…

Writing about it is actually quite therapeutic. My thoughts here in black and white (I’ll realise I’m being a fool at the end of typing this). Maybe I am hoping to make sense of the goings on inside my head.

I know I shouldn’t but I sometimes find that I am comparing myself to others around me. Thinking, ‘oh my god, they are younger than me and they are already so much more successful than I am at this age…!’ I shouldn’t do it. But I cannot stop my brain sometimes. I have phases of worry; worries about who I am, if I am doing the right things and acting the right way…Does anyone else do that? Are we doing it because we are only human? I have to remind myself that every life is different and we don’t all face the same challenges and life experiences.

Is everyones idea of success different? I cannot for the life of me remember where I saw this quote (instagram somewhere I am sure…) but I found a random screenshot on my phone. It goes ‘At the end of life, what really matters is not what we have but who we are; not what we got but what we shared; not our competence but our character; and not our success, but our significance. Be kind, be loving and start with yourself ‘ whoever wrote this, you have hit the nail on the head basically. It is easy to get distracted by other sometimes ridiculous feelings, as long as we refocus back to what is really important. So that is what I am trying to do today. To focus back on what is important in the hope that this will regain my creative flow.

Creativity can be affected by my mood, I can’t just sit down at my desk and start drawing if I have had a bad day. I have to be in the right frame of mind and have an idea of what I want to produce. I have rare moments of opportunity to do my drawing – maybe thats part of my problem. Maybe I need to make more time for it. I get very caught up in everyday life, working and seeing the people I love. I forget to set aside time for myself sometimes. Time to do what I want to do. Its a vicious circle really and I get myself into it now and again. Like with everything, all the self doubt I feel at times, I am the only one who can change that mindset.

I want to make a living from my art but I have always been so unsure of how to do it. I have spent years trying to figure it out and still I am none the wiser. I want what I do to be taken seriously, to be appreciated and to be rich from it. Sorry that last part isn’t true! Haha, I mean it would be nice but just to carve out a career from my talent would be great. It is hard work, harder than I ever thought it would be. I look at other illustrators and think, ‘How did you do that?? How did you become so successful??’ I read about their journey to “success” and it always seems to be that they stumble onto the right path or they just got lucky and met the right people. I hear that a lot. I don’t know what the answer to all this is really. When I figure it out I am sure I will jot it down in another post. But you could be waiting a while. In the mean time if you have any bright ideas, let me know yeah?

This post has sort of been all over the place really. Sorry about that. Thanks for sticking with me if you still are…That was a little insight into the mind of Beth. I’m off now to make corned beef hash with Matthew.

Thanks for reading.

Wigmore out.

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Careers 07.01.2018

Sunday, January 7th, 2018

Back again. I had such a positive response from my first blog entry, such lovely comments and lots of views for my website, I did enjoy writing it. So much so that I have found myself at my computer beginning to type. I have been thinking for the past few days, since my first post, what I could write about next.  I have not written anything at that length for quite some time. I can just about manage a few lines for an Instagram post or writing down orders at work – that is about as far as my creative writing goes these days so it was refreshing to be writing about my thoughts for a change.

So here we are again!

I am currently sat with blanket and laptop on lap…log burner roaring and Matthew shouting at his Fifa game. It has been a productive weekend, working, cake making (it is in the oven as I type!), food shopping and Pret a Manger going.

I have actually made time for this blog post (which I am quite impressed with), I better start getting to the point.

Careers.

I thought this would be a good topic to start with as work life is quite a huge part of our lives. I wanted to share my views and opinions on the subject, and a bit about my experiences to date.

I use to think your job said a lot about who you were as a person. I had it in my head that if I did not have a high flying career no one would want to know me, I would have nothing to talk about. I use to feel embarrassed if anyone would ask me what I did for a living. Ashamed that I had not really got very far career wise, thinking that others would look down on me. I have discovered in recent years this is so not the case.

I struggled for years since finishing university, graphic design degrees do not really amount to much once you get out into the big wide world…about a million other people are trying to do the exact same thing as you are and there just are not enough jobs to go around. I guess it does depend on if you are shit hot at graphic design.

I have since discovered that I am not.

I chose graphic design as a course, I believed it was the right route for a steady job after my studies. It has not turned out that way unfortunately. There is no real route or career path for a creative. I feel luck has a lot to do with it and right time, right place sort of thing too. I could say I regret going to uni, but I met some great people and I produced some of my best work. I sometimes think I should of done an illustration course but whats done is done, I cannot change the past. I have to move forward with what I have and what I have is illustration. That is my calling in life. It has taken me 27 years on this earth to finally realise it but I now realise it. I always knew art was the only thing for me, it was all that I was ever good at at school, I was never the academic type. Which I am fine with, I love working with my hands and literally I think I could draw almost anything that was asked of me!

So after 5 years of not knowing what the hell I was doing, looking at job after job. Having interview after interview and rejection after rejection. I finally feel like I have an idea of what I am meant to be doing. I went through a real stage of self doubt and I guess you could call it a form of depression. The job hunting bug consumed me in the 5 years after university. It was all I thought about (amongst other things of course) but I felt really worried about it, like I would never make any progress with it. I was desperate for a design job. I felt very insecure and unhappy with myself, I was not enjoying life. It was the classic thing of just existing and not really living.

There is a quote in the film, ‘Little Miss Sunshine’ where Steve Carell’s character says about Marcel Proust which always sticks with me, “French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he is also probably one of the greatest writers since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh…gets to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides all those years he suffered, those were the best years of his life, ’cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn’t learn a thing…” I like to think there is some truth behind those words.

It was not until the summer of 2015 that things started to change for me for the better. I had just got out of a long term relationship, I lost 3 and a half stone in a very short few months and so I was newly single and ready to take on the world…My confidence changed, I felt strangely liberated. I got my first tattoo, learnt to drive and really started living. The job hunt (or anything else…) was not consuming me anymore. It is more important to do what you love than be stuck somewhere which makes you unhappy. I cannot stress that enough. I live by these words. Life really is too short.

I work in a coffee shop, it is not the most glamorous of jobs granted but I am earning, what I really want to focus on now is my artwork. I really want to push myself this year and get certain things done. If I cannot find a job working for someone else I might as well work for myself. I guess what I am trying to say through all these ramblings (and congratulations if you are still with me reading this you, deserve a medal) is that it is okay to struggle and to not quite be where you want to be yet, I believe it is all part of the journey and it will make you into a better person. I will spend this year mostly drawing and creating new works of art. I am not out of the woods yet, far from it in fact. I will have to put in a lot of hard work this year. So if anyone needs me I will be hunched over my desk.

I want to finish this post with something my lovely dad once said to me, “Always draw with purpose” (good old Nige) he was right, and my god do I intend to.

Thanks for reading.

Oh, and by the way. The cake sunk.

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New Year 03.01.2018

Wednesday, January 3rd, 2018

New year. First blog entry. Check.

I thought it would be a good idea to start writing a blog, to get down onto paper…(or onto screen…) the thoughts that go on in this old brain of mine. I am definitely one of those people who listens and thinks more than opening my mouth so here goes…

For those who have no idea who I am here is a quick summary…I am 28 (nearly 29 in three months eek!) I work in a coffeeshop as a barista, but I can be mostly found in the food section, making and sometimes eating…! It is a humble and honest job, I work hard everyday and have fun with my work mates. It can be a pain sometimes but it is like home. Speaking of which, as of last October I am now a homeowner with my boyfriend and partner in crime, Matty boy. We live in a small cottage in Oxfordshire, it is perfectly cute and I never thought I would be so lucky.

Illustration is definitely my thing, it is my world as far as anything creative goes. Even if I never make much money from doing my work, I am happy just creating and drawing. Bettering my skills and knowledge. I love creating with my hands, whether that be baking or painting. I love photography, fashion (Asos is my crack) films (geek alert!). I live for music, Stevie Wonder, Aretha Franklin, Whitney Houston, Tenacious D…you can often find me in my car singing at the top of my voice to and from work.

The past couple of years I can honestly say I have never felt more appreciative of the life I live. Enjoying every moment and realising this is it, this is life. I better start enjoying it. Which I like to think I do. I live a simple but valuable life. I love my family and friends, seeing them and having them as part of my journey through life is one of the most important things to me. You never know what is going to happen so I make sure those closest to me know that I love and appreciate them.

This first blog post is a sort of introduction to what I hope will be many posts about lifestyle, fashion, illustration…anything that comes to mind really. I have got into reading blogs from other writers recently and find they have been rather comforting to read. I myself am terrible at writing, it has never come naturally to me, it is lucky that this evening I suddenly felt the urge to write something so apologies in advance for any rambling.

It is the start of a new year, 2018. I am never one for new years resolutions as I find they make me feel slightly unhappy with myself, like picking holes. All I want to do this year is focus more on my artwork and actually get my ass into gear with producing more artwork and products to start selling. I find I have to force myself after a long day of being on my feet to come home and make time for my illustration work. I will never get anywhere with it if I don’t just start! So this blog post I feel is a step in the right direction. There are a lot of resolutions floating around on social media this time of year to start losing weight and to eat healthier blah blah blah… the only resolution that makes sense to me is for us to be kinder to ourselves. I am definitely one for giving myself a hard time A LOT of the time. So yes, fuck it. This year I will be kinder to myself. I am doing okay. I am happy and that really is the most important thing. And so as Yazz & The Plastic Population once sung, The only way is up.

Thanks for reading.

Wigmore out.

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